Category Archives: Thoughts

Sisters

“Siblings are the people we practice on, the people who teach us about fairness and cooperation and kindness and caring quite often the hard way.”

Pamela Dugdale

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My daughter sent me this link from NY Times the other day.

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She was sure I would love it and she was right. Four sisters who have  their picture taken every year for forty years . It is definitely change in motion. If you look at each picture you don’t see it as much but if you look at the first and the last, my god, where did the years go?

I love it for a couple of reasons.  I am one of the five sisters. We are different from these girls. For us, there is twenty years difference between the oldest and the youngest. It was a terrible shock to my older sisters when my younger sister and I came along. They were grown up and getting ready to start their own families.

I think it would be wonderful if we someone had the forethought to take out pictures together for forty years. This is the last one that I can remember of us together. There are lots of one or two of us, or my younger sister and I with the grandchildren that started arriving right after me and before my younger sister came along.

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This is my favourite picture, my oldest sister and I. She could have been my mother. In fact, my name was what she wanted to name her first-born girl. My mother at 43 in 1953 was a little lost for names. She had Irene, Colleen and Sharlene. My dad used to joke that my younger sister and I should have been gasoline and kerosene. We did ignite quite a kerfuffle. At 52 and 45 when their last one was born, my parents were ancient in 1955: a whole generation away from us.

What luck for me to have my wonderful oldest sister still in my life today. She just had her 80th birthday and closed down the establishment her party was held in, dancing.

Today, both our families are grown adults, we have grandchildren and she has great-grandchildren. We love many of the same things like gardening, painting and music. We really like spending time together.

She doesn’t even mind my goats.

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This Thanksgiving weekend with my children and their children around the table,  I was so happy that they had siblings.  Even though, “big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life” (thank you Charlie Brown), I am not sure where we would be without them. “Help one another is part of the religion of sisterhood” LM Alcott.

A sister is a forever friend and I know my sister has the best sister!

October

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And fall is here. That season between the bounty and light of summer when everything changes in preparation for the winter sleep. There are still warm sunny days, only shorter and nights are cooler and longer. The sky is bluer, the colours bright with the hues of autumn. Oranges, yellows, reds, amethyst, and gold. We have abandoned our frilly pinks and opulent purples of summer. Time for boots and warm sweaters, tea, good books in front of a fire and contemplation. Soon nature will be stripped almost bare. Time to slow down.

“O hushed October morning mild,
Thy leaves have ripened to the fall;
Tomorrow’s wind, if it be wild,
Should waste them all.
The crows above the forest call;
Tomorrow they may form and go.
O hushed October morning mild,
Begin the hours of this day slow.
Make the day seem to us less brief.
Hearts not averse to being beguiled,
Beguile us in the way you know.
Release one leaf at break of day;
At noon release another leaf;
One from our trees, one far away.
Retard the sun with gentle mist;
Enchant the land with amethyst.
Slow, slow!
For the grapes’ sake, if they were all,
Whose leaves already are burnt with frost,
Whose clustered fruit must else be lost —
For the grapes’ sake along the wall.”

Robert Frost

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Light

“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.”
Leonard Cohen, Selected Poems, 1956-1968

It is in our nature to be attracted to light. As a gardener and a photographer, I am always checking to see where the light is. My spirit feels brighter in sunshine.

It is getting cooler in the evening, fall is tip toeing in slyly with sunny days that start later and end earlier. Rocking us gently as we prepare for winter, it is a very different light at dusk. The September moon, a full harvest moon is up earlier.

I am inspired daily by two of the “lights of my life”: grandaughters. One has been in Europe this summer and I am enjoying my daughter’s blog and loved these to pictures from her post-Cemeteries. I love the lighting and the procession of light to their great grandmothers grave.

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I not only love the lighting in these pictures but the subject. What do we do when the rain falls on our sunshine?

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“Don’t you know yet? It is your light that lights the world.”
Rumi

 

Hey! Are You Looking At Me?

Black Bear

I have been feeling guilty. It has been over a month since I have written a blog post. I have thought of many things to write. The thoughts haven’t made it to the desk to compose themselves. What have I been doing? Were people judging me for being lapse or lazy. Really? In the big scheme of things I think that everyone has enough on their own plate.

Mostly I have been looking at my world around me and revelling in my fortuitousness!! This is what I have been looking at and what has been looking back at me!

Our little friend “Baer”. He is a cub from last spring or so and has taken up residence in our back property. The buffet here is great when you are getting ready for a big sleep..

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“Diana”, a mom with two fawns has also taken up residence in our back yard.

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The new additions to our front yard have been growing in leaps and bounds.

The Nigerian Dwarf goats Mocha and Latte have now grown big enough to run and forage in the big fields. Don’t you love their turquoise eyes?

 

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The baby chicks that came home at two-day’s old  in June are now safely ensconced in the barn, with nesting boxes and a big run with access to a chicken run outside with a door that gives them the barn yard to run free. We are lucky because out of the six chicks, we only acquired one rooster. He is a Black Copper Maran and his name is Satchmo. The girls are Mukluk, a Cochin, Lavender and Flower, Orpingtons, Brown Betty a Breda and Mumbo a Maran hen. They are all addicted to watermelon. The brown stain on Mukluk’s breast is watermelon juice!

Satchmo

Let’s not forget Scarlet, our ringneck pheasant. I had to clip her wings: harder on me than on her, I cried.

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I haven’t been the only one looking either. Grommet is very attached to his girls.

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I have been looking at bees and butterflies. All the work I put into building a garden for them really paid off this year.

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I have been admiring our new garage. What a handy man my husband is, right down to the hand-built sliding barn door with a deer antler handle!

Can’t you just picture my new horse with his head peeking out the top of the Dutch door next year?

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We have been busy!]

It’s September 1st  and the first hint of fall is in the morning chill. I have had an amazing summer creating Mimi’s little farm. I only have gratitude, not guilt.

Time and Tattoos

“Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,”

W. Shakespeare

daisies-1My daughter’s blog post on time, made me reminisce on my own days as a busy mother.

We were four families with  kids roughly the same age and all in the same school. As mother’s we were known as Mrs. E F G & H. Mrs. H and I were very close; both of us busy with family, careers and aspirations. The school was a Catholic independent school where parents had to participate in all aspects of school and church life. We spent a lot of time together.

Mrs. H and I often spoke about our “busy” disease. Crisis’ would come and go. We always thought we could get on with our aspirations next week or next month; after we got through the hurdles of a parent or husband with depression, a business trip, dental bills, volunteer duties, appointments, holidays, and what seemed like everyone needing our attention “now”!

We would write that book, paint that picture, take that spiritual journey tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. We will have time…………when.

 

In 1986 at age 39 Mrs. H had a heart attack in her living room. Her children came home from school to find her dead. I lost a best friend, they lost a mother. There was no tomorrow.

I would like to say that the lesson of no tomorrow was profound and it immediately changed my life. It still took many years and many more” putting off until tomorrow” to really sink in. I know that’s why they say youth is wasted on the young. It’s only through age that we fully understand the meaning of making time. It is in our control, our lives are lived daily.

When I hit the milestone of 39, so many years ago I wanted to commemorate it and Mrs. H’s death at the same time.  I didn’t want to do something crazy at 40 to celebrate middle age I wanted something long-lasting spectacular, and something I have always wanted. I wanted it to be done now. I wanted a tattoo. My husband thought I was crazy, I didn’t tell my mother. My oldest was at university and my youngest was just starting high school. The perfect time.

I knew exactly what I wanted.

angelI wanted the reminder permanently and indelibly inked on my body and soul.  Create joy today. It will define you.

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Rites Of Passage And Adventure

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Life never comes to a closure; life is process, even mystery.  Life is
known only by those who have found a way to be comfortable with
change and the unknown.  Given the nature of life, there may be
no security, but only adventure.”    Rachel Naomi Remen

There were two rites of passage this past weekend.  Both marked a passage in my life. They were both ritual events that marked transition from one status to another. Rites of passage are celebrated by all cultures, nations, and religions. It can be a coming of age, a sacrament, a life change. Passages celebrated in community are the best. Our need to be part of or share an emotional connection is overwhelming. It’s where we learn the heart habits of tolerance, charity, and trust. They are life altering on this worldly path.

The first was for my friend Paul who died on April 26th. It was a combination Native American Church/Buddhist ceremony, celebrated with and by those who loved him. Prayers, singing and drumming were offered up for a safe passage, the fire lit at his death was extinguished, the reading of The Bardo finished. A time for reflection on our own lives and to remember Paul’s words to us.  Our adventure continues.

“The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure “     Joseph Campbell

The second passage was my granddaughter’s First Holy Communion. The sharing in the divine nature given through the grace of Christ bears a certain likeness to the origin, development, and nourishing of natural life. The faithful is born anew by Baptism, strengthened by the sacrament of Confirmation, and receive in the Eucharist the food of eternal life. By means of these sacraments of Christian initiation, they thus receive in increasing measure the treasures of the divine life and advance toward the perfection of charity.”

“Jesus, what made You so small? LOVE!”
St. Bernard of Clairvaux (1090 – 1153)

It is an act of love and sets her on her adventure to experience and share that love.

As with many rites there are gifts for the participants.

From Paul, a picture with his favourite word, written in his ashes.

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For Giorgia, an ornament as a gift for our sharing in her passage and remembrance of our LOVE!

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Farewell Friend ~ Farewell Advice

My loving friend Paul has started a new journey. Freed from his earthly home, he is now free to wander the cosmos, delighting in all the things he knows are there for him. I cherish his last will and testament and remember his wishes for us.

Rev. Dr. Pavel Dimitoff“Before death, life is a seeker.
After death, the same life becomes a dreamer.
Before death, life struggles and strives for Perfection.
After death, the same life rests
and enjoys the divine Bliss with the soul.
Before death, life is God’s Promise.
After death, life is God’s inner Assurance.
This Assurance of God’s we notice while we fulfil God in our future incarnation.”

Last Will & TestamentHe did not simply visit this world.

When Death Comes

When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn;
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me, and snaps the purse shut;
when death comes
like the measle-pox

when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,

and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth,
tending, as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.

When it’s over, I want to say all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.

I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world

– Mary Oliver

 

Poetry Is The Evidence of Life

It’s the Spice.

“Poetry, whose material is language, is perhaps the most human and least worldly of the arts, the one in which the end product remains closest to the thought that inspired it.”

Hannah Arendt

A German Jewish philosopher, certainly not without controversy. A product of Germany during WWII striving to understand evil. I haven’t thought about her in over 40 years. I first studied her in a university class.  A CBC Radio show on the drive home brought her back.  I am not sure if I really understand her work but, I heard the above quote and it really stuck.

It’s interesting to look at great thinkers and philosophers positions on  “poetry”

“Poetry is nearer to vital truth than history.”

  – Plato

“Poetry is finer and more philosophical than history; for poetry expresses the universal, and history only the particular.”

– Aristotle

Or to look at an existential poet from Germany.

“For poems are not, as people think, simply emotions (one has emotions early enough)—they are experiences.”
—Rainer Maria Rilke

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Or to look at the poet “lover” from my teenage years. He was never far from my side.

From Spice Box of Earth (still kept in my bedside table)

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Summer Haiku

Silence

and a deeper silence

when the crickets

hesitate

I can’t imagine my life without  the ability to experience emotion through poetry, to feel my experiences through poetry and to find the truth in history through poetry.

 

 

 

Happy Birthday, Will.

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“Nature teaches beasts to know their friends”.

William Shakespeare, Coriolanus

Relationships

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When it’s the anniversary of the loss of a loved one I can feel quite melancholy. There always seems to be something that reminds me whether it is a date, a season, a quick memory of good times. This weekend was the second year anniversary of one of my dogs deaths. Noel, was a wonderful dog who lived a very good and happy life. She wasn’t my first loss or is my last. I have written frequently on my dogs and other animals and my relationships with them.

A good friend has just gone into hospice. His time left here is measured  in days.  I will support him with love on his journey. I will miss him from my life. But, I ask myself why it is I miss my animals more?

John Berger, in About Looking, wrote: “With their parallel lives, animals offer man a companionship different from any offered by human exchange. Different because it is a companionship offered to the loneliness of man as a species.”

From this blog post I read today about the relationship of a man with his pigs it offers a beautiful reflection of companionship.

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I think Mary Oliver sums it up in this poem from Dog Songs.

How It Is With Us, And How It Is With Them

We become religious,

then we turn from it,

then we are in need and maybe we turn back.

We turn to making money,

then we turn to the moral life,

then we think about money again.

We meet wonderful people, but lose them

in our busyness.

We’re, as the saying goes, all over the place.

Steadfastness, it seems,

is more about dogs than about us.

One of the reasons we love them so much.

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