“We change, whether we like it or not”
I live in a dust bowl in the grasslands of British Columbia. Dust is everywhere. It doesn’t help that I live with a menagerie of dogs, cats and a bird. There is no getting away without dust, dust bunnies created from hair, feathers, seeds and dander, flying everywhere. It is a constant challenge to stay on top of it.
I was sitting at the kitchen table reading, something I love to do but gets pushed to the side by other life commitments, when I noticed huge dust bunnies and sand swirling around the table leg. It was annoying, not because it caught me off guard but it was a reminder that I was lacking in the cleaning department. I went back at my book and kept reading. When I glanced down again, the dust bunnies and sand had moved on. They had moved to the other side of the room with the swoop of a dog’s tail. In a matter of minutes everything had changed; the dust bunnies and sand as well as my feelings of guilt.
I have a difficult time with the concept of impermanence. I know that it’s the nature of things to come together and move apart but I keep looking for solid references of an unchanging world or even an unchanging self.
I tend to suffer doubt when it comes to impermanence. I know that I am not the “queen” of my domain, so I suffer anxiety because I want to organize my life around an “enduring self” in a concrete world, even though it is only ideas and forms coming in and out. and that’s the truth. Nothing is permanent. If it was there would be no birth or death, no need to eat, no feelings.
Through meditation and contemplation I am beginning to see the interdependence of phenomena (the dog’s tail), I am beginning to see the selfless nature of everything. It certainly helps to calm anxiety and “monkey brain” I have no need to control thoughts, emotions, relationships and events. My actions change and my priorities become more focussed. I am not fixated. I develop an appreciation for what I have and I can relax.
Gratitude for dogs tails.